Big Brother Kevin and his Baby Elephant

Many of you have contacted me and mixed with your wonderful words of support and encouragement have asked how Kevin is doing with all of this.  He doesn't get mentioned in the blogs very often because I try hard to stay focused on what is going on with Kyleigh.  I do that for 2 main reasons.  The first is because the blog serves as an electronic journal of all the big things that have happened with Kyleigh.  Granted it does nothing for the small details that could probably fill a few notebooks by now but it does help to look back to see what we've been through.  Second, it is therapeutic for me.  Sitting in the dark writing about the experience of the day or week is helpful for me and it's a way to express my thoughts and feelings in a controlled manner rather than holding it all in and having a breakdown at some point.  So you might be saying, that still doesn't really explain why Kevin isn't mentioned that much.  You're right I guess so if I really think about it I'd say it's because one of the ways I manage to do so many things is my ability to compartmentalize.  Meaning, I am able to think/worry about things separately from other things.  I have no idea if this is a good thing or a bad thing but it is how I work.  So when I'm writing a blog, in order for it to flow and make sense I have to stay focused on Kyleigh and what is happening or has happened.  If I include Kevin and what is happening with him and how he is impacted the blog will most certainly be much longer and probably a little confusing.  It would also be very busy and stress filled because adding Kevin and his world to the blog would add multiple levels to the story.  Looking at it this way, I guess it would give you all a more realistic picture of our lives since having Kyleigh but that was not the purpose of the blog.  The fact is, however, that Kevin is a HUGE and important part of Kyleigh's life and her adventures have a major impact on his life and therefore on our lives.  I could easily start a completely separate blog for Kevin and who knows maybe one day I will, but for now, I'd like to give you an update on how he is handling Kyleigh's latest adventure.

In order for this blog and it's title to make sense, you first need to know a little back story.  You may or may not know that we have had many problems finding a formula that doesn't bother her stomach.  These trials have had the very unfortunate side effect of horrific gas/flatulents (that's a nice way of saying she had really smelly farts)!  My father felt that with all the interesting smells, he would start calling Kyleigh his little baby elephant.  Don't worry it was said with love :).  It became a running joke and soon we started finding clothes with baby elephants on them etc. all the while Kevin quietly listened and learned this new term of endearment.

So fast forward to preparing for this surgery and hospitalization.  Weeks before the surgery was to take place, we started telling Kevin that the doctors were going to try again to take Kyleigh's feeding tube out of her nose and put in her belly.  We also told him they were going to fix her mouth so that she could start to learn to eat with her mouth.  He seemed to understand and was very accepting of the thought.  The night before surgery we told him that the next morning Mommy and Daddy were going to take Kyleigh to the hospital for the doctors to fix Kyleighs mouth.  We told him that she was going to stay in the hospital for a long time and that he wouldn't be able to see her for a few days (we didn't want him to see her intubated).  He got really said and wanted to know why he couldn't see her.  We lied and said it was the rules at the hospital.  He quickly recovered when he found out he had the choice of staying at home or going to Grandma and Papa's house.  Of course the choice was NOT home.

Kevin stayed at Grandma and Papa's house all week.  Bridgette and I always asked him if he wanted to sleep at home with us but he always said no.  We met for lunch and/or dinner but he always chose to go back to Grandma and Papa's.  We could see that he was not the usual happy little boy.  He always asked of he could see Kyleigh but we always said no she was sleeping or it was too late etc.  As I mentioned in another post, he eventually insisted on seeing his baby sister and finally came up to her room.  When he saw her, his mood changed.  He seemed to be a little happier and playful but only for a short time.

It was killing us to see him this way and to know that he didn't really understand what he was feeling or why. By Saturday night we didn't know what else to do so we had Grandma and Papa come to our house with Kevin after visiting at the hospital until it was bedtime.  We thought maybe staying with us, even sleeping in our bed, might help him feel better.  Wow where we wrong.  He cried and cried and cried until he just fell asleep.  We felt horrible!  The next day we made sure to spend as much time with him as we could playing and trying to have fun.  He played but always wanted grandma to play with us.  By Sunday evening we decided to see what he thought about sleeping at home.  We had all gone to get dinner and Kevin seemed happy and wanting to be with us...until it came time to go home.  We got into our car and the crying started.  It wasn't a "I want to get my way" kind of cry.  It was the please don't make me do this, sobbing, begging and pleasing kind of cry.  The kind that rips your heart out. Understandably, Bridgette got really upset too and we just didn't know what else to do.  Grandma and Papa had been waiting in the area in case this happened.  We convinced Bridgette to go with to Grandma and Papa's house so Kevin could have the best of both worlds.Bridgette, being the awesome Mom (and social worker) that she is, had a conversation with Kevin that night.  She decided to tell him we thought he was sad and he agreed.  She asked him what Mommy and Daddy could do to help him feel happy again.  He said....you can get me a baby elephant!!  You can tell me all you want that he is only three years old and he wouldn't know what that means and I will tell you every time you are wrong!  This was his way of telling us he wanted Kyleigh home.

The next day, Monday, Kevin spent most of the day with us at the hospital.  Just having Mommy sleep with him at Grandma and Papa's house made a pretty big difference.  However, on one of our walks around the hospital we stopped in the gift shop and guess what was sitting there on the shelf!!??  Yep...a blue baby elephant!  Of course we bought it and gave it to Kevin.  He held on to that elephant the rest of the day.  He told us how much he loved "her" and wanted Kyleigh to see her.

That night Kevin chose to stay at home with us.  He slept in our bed with the baby elephant.  He also asked if all of Kyleigh's stuffed animals could sleep with us. OF COURSE they can!  He slept great!  He even slept in a little!  Then today (ok yesterday..Tuesday) he came to the hospital and brought the baby elephant with.  He got to see his baby sister without her breathing tube and she was able to interact with him too!  The big smile we are used to seeing on his face came back!!

It looks like our happy little man is back!  We still have a long way to go so let's hope that baby elephant can get him (and all of us) through!!